Nineteen Minutes - Jodi Picoult

I did not want to read this book.

The only reason I did was because it was a book club selection. I like being a part of the book group and I like having discussions and I like reading some of the books that are the popular, everyone is talking about books.

I really did not want to read this book.

I read it.

I did not like this book at all. Don't get me wrong. It was a well written story, the characters were well developed, the plot unfolded in a way that made the book hard to put down, there was a twist near the end and it wrapped up nicely. I just didn't like what it was about.

I am not a fan of the horror genre. I don't like to see blood, or read about people getting hurt or any of that sort of thing. I don't like being scared, even if it is a "safe scared" This was a horror book to me. The central idea in this book is something that I am real life terrified of - a school shooting. I do not go around thinking about it on a regular basis but it is something that I am aware of. I know what to do if we go in to lock down, I keep my classroom door locked at all times, I know that there are aleast a few students who actually hate me. It's not something that I am actively worried about but it is something that I am afraid of.

In reading this book, after reading the first 50 pages I had to stop because I couldn't help but cry, I know it is a work of fiction but that whole thing is so scary to me, it wasn't fun to read at all.

After a few days I picked it back up and read it, more than anything just to finish it.

Another central theme of this book was bullying and popularity - another topic that was not so fun (though not scary) for me to read about. As a teacher I do my best to reduce the bullying in my classroom and hallway but I know that I can only do so much. As a child I was definatly on the receiving end of a lot of bullying (mainly kindergarten through 8th grade, in high school I just faded into the background) and I was most definatly never popular. Even now I struggle to find social circles and question whether some people actually like me or if they are just very Minnesotan.

Reading a book that outlines the struggles of kids who are bullied and the whole popluarity game wasn't that fun, because it make me reflect on my own life.

When I read books I want to be entertained and to me thinking of things that really terrify me and things that make me remember sad times in my life is not entertainment.

Perhaps someone who might not read so personally into a book might have a better chance of enjoying this one. As I mentioned, it is a well written book.

I still wish I had not read it.